sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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