I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
