babies were throwing up all over the place
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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