Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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