He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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