My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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