I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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