I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
