cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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