I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
