Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
