I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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