i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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