My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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