Where are you?
In a non slutty way
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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