mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
