im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
