I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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