my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
