What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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