Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
