I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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