well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Randomize
