I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize