I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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