He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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