I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
