never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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