Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
