also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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