her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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