The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's the barista slut.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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