her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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