My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
how does that bad decision feel?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
