Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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