I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
