i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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