I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
