In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
