she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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