Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
