I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
