I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
