Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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