...so i touched it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
