alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
