Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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