Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
