Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize