the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
