Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
