i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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