so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
