Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
