I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
