I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
