your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
