I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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