I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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