I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
