Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
