I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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