You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
