Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
