Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
