Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
