I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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