How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you win again, gameday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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