I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
