party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My balls are so social today.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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